Spotted: Woo-Chick on Idol

14 Apr

Idol was on last night, and as usual I was watching.  Just like everybody else, I love a good horse race, and this one never disappoints.  But I’ve begun to notice something over the past couple of months.  There’s a bona fide, for real, no-foolin’ Woo-chick on Idol.

You might think I’m talking about one of the contestants; maybe Siobhan in another one of her wacky outfits, or my favorite, Crystal, who is soo going to win. You might even think I’m talking about someone in that mob of shouting fans that seems to delight in booing Simon even more than watching the show.  Nope.  As far as I can tell, none of them have the Woo.

I’m talking about Kara.  Yeah, you know it’s true. That wild child is just a few tequila shots from topless.  Bet on it.

Can I be the only one who sees this?  Every time she gives a critique, I expect her to throw back a shot, slam the glass on the table in front of her and nod, smiling at the other judges as she asks, “Who’s next, bitches?”

I mean no disrespect.  Seriously, to me Woo-chicks are just about perfect.  They look great leaving the house at 9 pm, have your back in a bar fight around midnight (probably by threatening some skank with the business end of 4 inch Pradas) and are up the next morning, in time for an early brunch with their boyfriend’s parents at the club.

Don’t just take my word for it.  Let’s do this scientifically.  According to an on-going study at the International Center for the Development of Rock and Woo, the top three ways to spot a Woo-chick are:

# 3: Any self-respecting Woo is never more than a few days from big hair.

Check.  Kara’s hair may be smooth and flat some nights, but she can’t resist the call of her peeps for long.  Even when it’s smooth, it wants to be big. Watch and see.

# 2: Woo-chicks aren’t usually the girls you’ll see dancing on tables and getting naked at a party, but if the moment is right, no real Woo would waste an opportunity to bring the house down.  Especially when her honor is in question. Sexy, yes. Slutty, no.

Bingo. Kara DioGuardi has decided to pose nude in this month’s Allure magazine. Check it out:  Kara DioGuardi naked: ‘A side of me they have never seen’ (except for that one time on ‘Idol’) | EW.com .  Not to mention how she effortlessly schooled Bikini Girl (so NOT a Woo-chick) last year on stage, flashing quite a bit of skin to millions of people in the process.  I bet she resisted at first, did a few shots with Randy, then smiled and said, “Let’s do this!”  She made the Woos proud.

And the # 1 way to spot a Woo-chick is, of course, by the way she rocks.  These girls are in it; hands raised, hair flying and heads bangin’.  The secret handshake of this elite sorority is actually devil horns, or in the case of extreme rock and Woo, the double devil horn; when there’s just too much rock for one hand.

Check. Kara loves her music, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her throw the horns up, her arm pumping toward the sky as she’s jammin’.  It’s all she can do some nights to stay in her chair.  Get some, girl.

I love her and her big-haired Woo.  I want to party with her.  You just know she’s DJ’ing the front of the house, then headed to the back for the keg stand contest.  And I’d rather watch her sitting on the edge of her seat next to Simon, fighting back the urge to dance on the table every night, than have to listen to Paula drone on about how wonderful everyone is.  Wait, Paula who?

Exactly.  So, hey Kara, thanks for keeping it real.

WOOOOOO!

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One Response to “Spotted: Woo-Chick on Idol”

  1. Ryan Damaska April 15, 2010 at 1:46 am #

    Clearly the WOO!!! is strong with this one…

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