That’s Not Chocolate

16 Apr

There are few moments in life that are truly pure.  Exchanging vows on your wedding day? Maybe. Watching the birth of your child? Okay, probably.  Being there when one of your dogs poops right on the other one’s head?  Absolutely.  That’s pure, baby.  Like winning the karmic lottery.

We have two English Setters. Their names are Fripdee Ba (my daughter named him when she was three) and Pepper.  They’re pretty special.  Yes, we love them as members of the family, but when I say special, I mean window licking special.

Pepper is extra special.

He has lots of nicknames.  One of them, because of his assigned seat on the short bus, is Lenny, after Steinbeck’s lovable, but not so bright, character in Of Mice and Men.

Another one is Bunny, because of his hair.  It’s wispy and thin and in some places is so ethereal it’s like touching a dandelion puff. If you even look at it sideways it twists into a matted mess.

When we go on walks they sniff stuff and chase the little lizards that scramble around in the underbrush.  They rub their backs on some bushes and shy away from others.  And they pee on everything, sometimes even each other (I told you, special).  But never, in all the years we’ve had them, have I ever seen anything like this before.

This morning they were both sniffing around the bottom of a bush when Frip decided he had to poo.  He does this a lot when we walk, which is why I always have a pocket full of bags.  Usually it’s no big deal. He grunts it out, and I wrap it up.  Only today, my most special child got in the way.

Just as Frip hunched over, Pepper leaned in to sniff something and WHAM!  Direct hit!  Every bit of that gooey brown sludge spurted right onto Pepper’s head. It piled itself into a slimy tower of turd behind his left ear, then finally slid to the ground, leaving a dark skid mark down his face that was pretty impressive. The best part was that Pepper didn’t even react.  He didn’t even move. He just kept right on doing what he was doing. Sometimes blankness is a gift.

When he finally looked up, the dark spot on his fluffy white head was threatening to push me over the edge.  Maybe it’s because I grew up with brothers, or maybe I’m just a jerk, but this literally made my day.  It was funny.

He looked up at me with those big brown eyes, and to be honest, I’m not sure if he didn’t know he’d been pooped on, or if he just didn’t care. Special.

Like any good mother, I took him home right away, not only to scrape the sticky chunks of turd out of his baby fine hair and clean him up, but also to take a picture.  This is brotherly love at it’s best.

It was, without a doubt, the funniest dog moment I’ve had in years.  I’m not sure how they’ll ever top it. Unless, of course, Pepper really does start licking the windows.


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2 Responses to “That’s Not Chocolate”

  1. Eric Walsh April 19, 2010 at 12:55 pm #

    ok, well I could’ve done without the pic while I was eating my cottage cheese, but that’s some funny Sh&t, literally. Excellent short story that gave me a much needed laugh in the middle of an otherwise horrific day. Thank you

    • thefoolschair April 19, 2010 at 1:04 pm #

      The recipe you wanted is up too. 🙂 Glad you liked it.

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