Daniel LaRusso Goes Dark

14 Jun

The new Karate Kid movie opened last Friday. The Karate Kid – Official Movie Site 2010. I haven’t seen it yet, but it looks pretty good, considering the formula. Like an updated version of the classic. Swap China for California, Jaden Smith for Ralph Macchio, and a roving gang of chinese kids for the Cobra KAI lunkheads and you’ve got what looks to be a very watchable summertime movie. I predict success.

I wonder if there’ll be a shoving match on the beach, or if Jaden will ride his bike over a giant embankment. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe he’ll even date a girl who looks like she could be his babysitter, or like he’d have to stand on his tippy toes to kiss her.

It got me wondering though, what the heck happened to Ralph Macchio? Where has the original skinny kid who couldn’t catch a break been? (Am I the only one who thought Daniel looked like he was in 4th grade instead of high school?)

And then I found him. Turns out, he’s an actor. Well, sort-of. Not seen him in awhile? That’s because at 48 (yes, Ralph Macchio is 48 years old), he still looks like he’s in 4th grade. I guess that “nice guy” image isn’t so awesome when you’re an adult.

While the rest of us have grown up, he’s been trapped inside that cute little body, struggling to get work in Hollywood. And no one’s been buying.

Couple that with a lifetime of watching fellow “Outsider” cast members (Patrick Swayze, Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and Tom Cruise) grace the tabloids for wild, bad boy behavior while their careers have taken off, and having some a-hole on the corner shout “Hey Mr. Miyagi!” or “Sweep the leg, Johnny!” every time you walk to the drug store, and you’ve got a recipe for diaster.

Then last year, the final blow for Macchio came as his publicist informed him that he had lost the voiceover role for Sunshine Bear in the new version of “Care Bears:The Movie.” (Turns out his voice was too high-pitched).

Since then, sources close to Macchio have noticed a change. The once mild-mannered, polite family man has unleashed a dark side. Spotted last week waxing a vintage 1950‘s yellow Chevrolet outside of his middle class track home, dressed only in a thong and a Japanese flag headband, Macchio has apparently decided to stand on one foot and with the strength and determination only a true Karate Kid could muster, crane kick the shit out of his image (as long as it isn’t too much trouble to anyone).

And to seal the deal, just last week he and Emmy award winning director Todd Holland released the trailer for their new movie: “Wax on, F*ck Off.” Check out: The Karate Kid Is Back! (But Not Before He Becomes A Badass).  It’s AWESOME.

Look out Colin Farrell, there’s a new bad boy in town. And he’s got mad chopstick skills.

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One Response to “Daniel LaRusso Goes Dark”

  1. Andrew June 14, 2010 at 1:22 pm #

    Daniel San goes evil! What could be better?

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