Fish Battle: Oh Yeaaahh?

27 Jul

I was on the highway the other day, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, when I noticed something on the car in front of me.

Now that’s cool.

Not that I agree with the sentiment. My feet are firmly planted on the side of evolution. And to be honest, the argument itself doesn’t even interest me that much. But the fact that it’s being played out on the backs of cars all across the world, like some fancy bumper sticker warfare?


Of course there are loads of parodies of the Jesus fish, including:

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Jolly Pirate Fish

and of course, my favorite, The Dino.

There’s even a website dedicated to the ongoing struggle. Check out: Fish Wars on Cars.

But this latest retaliation by the Creationists amused me. It was well done. And as I sat there, creeping along at 2 mph, I imagined how they must’ve felt when the Darwin fish first appeared years ago. It must have irked them pretty badly to have their favorite fish so cleverly hi-jacked by the Evolutionists.

So when I saw their retaliation I was impressed.

You could hear the Creationist message loud and clear, just screaming from the back of that tan Toyota corolla. “Oh yeah? Well I see your Darwin fish, its stubby little legs bastardizing our sacred symbol, and raise you a giant Truth fish that eats your Darwin fish! WHOLE! Take that!”

The air began to tingle and I swear the music from Star Trek (the episode where Kirk battles the lizard man on the desert planet: YouTube – Worst Fight Scene Ever) was playing in the background. It was on!

And how would the Evolutionists answer this last blow, so well done by the Creationists? My mind buzzed with possibilities as I sat there, idling in the sweltering heat of the stand-still traffic.

Maybe a stick figure with a fishing pole labeled The Darwin (kind of likeThe Nimbus 2000, only not as cool or widely accepted) hanging over one shoulder with the giant Truth fish, now caught and captured, dangling from two fingers. I guess. But do you include the half-eaten Darwin fish inside the giant Truth fish as it’s being drug home, now a possession of the Evolutionists? Hmmm…seems a bit cumbersome really.

Could it be time to move away from the whole fish theme altogether? Maybe something new. For everyone.

I propose a slimy gilled creature (think Creature from the Black Lagoon) crawling its way out of the murky water onto a rough, muddy bank for the Evolutionists. It could have a cape with a giant “D” on it. And an earring.

And I think a burning bush for the Creationists, the glowing flames artistically rendering the word, “Believe,” flickering in the perpetual fire.

Think about it.  A battle between a gilled lizard-man (his earring glinting in the glow from his enemy’s flame) and the iconic burning bush, fighting it out on the backs of cars over the next few years? Now that’s awesome. Think of it as Alien vs. Predator or Freddy vs. Jason for the highways. Like adventure comics for driving, but with real conviction on the line.

I’m on to something here, I can feel it. Something to settle the score for all time, one colossus against another, each fighting for their version of the truth. (You can hear the music too, right?)

At the very least it would go a long way to lighten the mood in sweltering bumper to bumper traffic. I know it worked for mine. 🙂


2 Responses to “Fish Battle: Oh Yeaaahh?”

  1. Andrew July 27, 2010 at 10:05 am #

    How about a whip and a branding iron with the word “OBEY” in between for the creationist.

    That could be countered by a candle in the darkness for evolution.

    On another note, the Creature from the Black Lagoon used to be really scary. That would make an awesome costume.

  2. mankenlik ajansı August 6, 2010 at 4:00 am #

    That could be countered by a candle in the darkness for evolution.

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