33 Uses

17 Nov

I was brushing my teeth this morning when out of the corner of my eye I noticed something. On the front of the bright green bottle of mouthwash to my left were the words, “33 Uses.”

Reeeaally? I thought. No kidding!?

I shook my head in amazement as I scrubbed my teeth, anxious to be done so I could examine the label and find out what they were. My mind was spinning, reeling with the possibilities. I mean, what exactly can you do with a bottle of Scope other than freshen your breath?

Would it cut through hard water stains and tough soapy buildup when misted on the shower walls? Could a small amount added to my dogs’ water keep them from shedding, as well as make them minty fresh? Would it whiten my teeth if I held it in my mouth long enough? Maybe a drop or two added to the top coat of my nail polish would strengthen and build chip resistance.

How did I miss this? How had I gone all of my life without knowing the 33 secret uses for Scope? No matter, all was about to be revealed.

I rinsed my mouth, grabbed the bottle and began searching the back label (in earnest) for the answers. Ingredients…blah, blah, blah…makes your breath minty fresh…yeah, yeah, yeah, I got that. But what else can it do? What about dissolving that gummy, sticky stuff left on everything from the back of cheap labels? And how much, exactly, should I spritz on my houseplants to repel dust and (dare I hope) provide waterless nutrition for months at a time?

But they weren’t there. Where are they? I thought. What kind of a stupid marketing technique promises 33 uses and then not lists…


And then it hit me, kind of like a two-ton heavy thing. They meant you could use it 33 times. For the same thing. As in, this bottle of Scope contains 33 individual uses of breath freshening fluid.

Nice. I haven’t laughed that hard, standing bent over my sink, alone in the bathroom in…hmmm, probably…ever.

What can I say? I am half blonde.


6 Responses to “33 Uses”

  1. Dad November 17, 2010 at 6:08 pm #

    And all Daughter. I LOVE U V M

  2. Mae November 17, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    Well, of course, you had me. And It got me thinking. You couldn’t have been the only person to have sought this divine enlightenment. I sought the wisdom of the internet and I was able to find an opinion which included the following thirty three uses:

    1. mix 1 cup with water and soak feet to get rid of stinky feet smell.
    2. mix some into your bath to make skin minty fresh.
    3. mix small amount into dog dish to help dogs breath.
    4. use instead of windex to clean windows.
    5. add 1/2 cup into cookie recipe to add extra zing.
    6. pour into ice trays and freeze then add to your punch.
    7. add 1/3 cup to vinegar for new douche smell.
    8. clean your toilet …try all scents!
    9. pour some on top of icecream.
    10. mix with milk for a nice bed time drink.
    11. mix 1 tbl to coffee to mint up flavor.
    12. use to clean diapers.
    13. use with water to clean out garbage cans.
    14. Use to clean coffee maker instead of vinegar.
    15. add to shampoo to make hair smell extra good.
    16. put into disposal to clean out bad smells.
    17. Drink a shot if out of alcohol …wont give hangover.
    18. clean toothbrushes to disinfect.
    19. dilute with water to wash blinds on windows.
    20. put into squirt guns and squirt into stinky peoples mouths.
    21. put into water balloons and throw on top of unsuspecting people walking by.
    22. mix with jello and make minty jello jigglers.
    23. throw in the face of an attacker.
    24. use bottle to beat up an attacker.
    25. make minty smoothies.
    26. turn into minty icecee.
    27. make minty snow cones.
    28. add to tea for minty flavor.
    29. add to wash bra’s and underwear.
    30. Throw some into camp fire to add extra flame.
    31. throw some into barbequer to keep fire going.
    32. make orange mint marmelade.
    33. turn bottle into a vase for flowers.

    • thefoolschair November 17, 2010 at 9:27 pm #


      • Adele November 18, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

        I’m with you. All I could think about was how excited I was that my mouth was wasn’t just for my mouth, but for 32 other things!!! I also laughed…

  3. Vondrach December 5, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    I ended up here because I was searching for the other 33 uses of Scope as well. But alas, you’ve enlightened me.

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